Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“I love you,” I whisper. “Even when I hated you I loved you. Even when I wanted you to hurt it was like hurting myself. I love you. Lilah. I love you in a way that’s destructive and ugly. There’s nothing beautiful about the way I feel because so much pain covers it One day I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved, but that day isn’t today. Today it’s poison.”
“Then let me suck it free.” She slams her mouth back down onto mine while I stand with her still in my arms, walking us towards the nearest wall. I pin her there and take the kiss from an explosion to a slow burn while my hands tug at her loose black track pants. I tug them down until she kicks them off one ankle.
I nearly choke when I see she’s bare underneath.
“I had plans,” she gasps between devouring my mouth.
“I like when a procrastinator changes their ways,” I say, teasing her with my tongue as I tug at her bottom lip. “It’s like finding religion isn’t it?”
She laughs against me and greedily reaches for my shirt, tugging it over, but it gets caught in my smock, with one hand holding, her I toss them both to the side. She’s already working on the button on my jeans. Then her hands on me, gripping me, giving me heaven while sending me to hell.
“Fuck that feels good.” I rock my hips towards her. “Stop before I go too fast.”
“Go slow later.” She bites my lip and tugs painfully. “I need you now.”
I don’t have to be asked twice. I’m buried inside her within seconds, pinning her to the wall even harder now as my hips thrust. She grips on to me and tugs me as far inside as she can, like she’s swallowing me whole with her body. I have no words. None.
“Lilah,” I rasp, barely getting the word out, my world is spinning out of control, and then I snap open my eyes and see her, the look of ecstasy on her face with her lips slightly parted, panting, a bead of sweat slides down her temple. I lick it, reveling in the salty taste, and then I’m kissing her again as we move in sync.
Bodies sweaty, my fingers dig into her ass to keep her from slipping.
“Jude, right there, right there, don’t stop.” Her head rolls back, exposing her neck. “Stop and I kill you.”
“Not stopping.” I slide my hand between us and press just enough pressure while angling myself differently, when she cries out.
“There you go, come on, give it to me, scream my name the way I’ve been dying for. Suck me dry, Lilah.”
“Jude!” With all her muscles tense, she pants as she falls apart in my arms. “You’re mine.”
“I’ve never belonged to anyone else, Lilah, not even myself,” I growl, and then I’m gone, completely lost as I finish inside her knowing full well we could have been walked in on, that we didn’t use a condom, that we didn’t have anything between us.
Not even regret.
The way it was always supposed to be.
Responsible, it seems, has never been our priority. Think later. Act now. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I slowly pull out of her, mourning the loss of her heat when she grabs her sweats. “Now that we’ve gotten the important thing out of the way…”
I watch her skeptically.
She steps into her pants and jerks them up. “I think we should talk.”
“First…” I sigh and lean against the table. “Can we have a pause in all of this and just stare at the ceiling and pretend they’re stars for like two minutes?”
She bursts out laughing. “Will you hold my hand?”
“I won’t let go.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “Promise?”
“You’re mine, Lilah, even when you weren’t by my side. I never mentally let go of your hand.”
21
“A ledger is not a book. It is a graveyard. Every name already half-buried.”—The Count of Monte Cristo
JUDE
“Iknow where the money came from…” I look away as the familiar pain comes roaring back to life. It’s been an hour of us staring at sculptures, her watching me work and grabbing some clay of her own. No words, just gentle touches between us followed by working, soothing. Now, my stomach is in knots, and I’m in disbelief. I can’t form words. I can only stare.
She keeps talking. “The night your life ended. And why I did what I did. Mom took the money. She thought it was from the university, but it was from your dad. He got my dad the job here, and your mom was the last one known to be in possession of the Dean’s List.”
My jaw drops. “I’m sorry what?”
“Your mom had the list; my mom called it a ledger, but it has to be the list. She was going to unleash holy hell on your dad—then was silenced for it.” She didn’t look at me. “My guess is he wants it.”