Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
And that was it, our last conversation. She was gone the very next day.
The last thing I see is Lilah’s face as I numbly walk, the last thing I think of is her kiss and every reason I had to pursue her, to get revenge, and I come up completely blank like I’ve lost the plot of the story, lost my mission, because I no longer recognize who I am anymore. My revenge has always been a sort of armor I put on every day, every night, and she pulled away at that and made me see that maybe, just maybe I was looking at things wrong and now I don’t know what to do. I’m vulnerable and I’m afraid every enemy can see it. Forget The Dean’s List, right now I’m more concerned that I’ve messed up too bad.
I hurt her.
But I will only ever hurt her.
I’ll get close and then I’ll snap. I know it, because Axels right, it’s been seven years of hatred, one kiss doesn’t erase her testimony and it doesn’t erase the nights in prison where I cried myself to sleep or screamed for my dead mom until my throat was hoarse.
Too much time had passed.
Too much damage.
Too much blood in the water.
We were never meant to be friends why the hell did I think we could be something more?
The only solution is to bring down the monster.
The only solution is to become one.
19
“The cruelest punishment is not exposure. It is letting the guilty expose themselves.” The Count of Monte Cristo
LILAH
It’s been a week since our faked scandal. A week of going to class and basically going back to the way things were. Which, I’m now realizing, completely sucked. I eat my stupid healthy food to prove I’m on the right track so when my mom asks she can be proud I’m taking care of myself and I’m not a burden. I work on my project, knowing my chances of getting into any of Jude’s studios are shot straight to hell, and I default. I completely freaking default to the person I was before. I isolate myself just enough, I smile, I act perfect. But inside I’m dying. Inside I’m crying for help, and I know Charlie is aware; she just doesn’t know how to fix it.
And for the first time in a really long time, I want someone to ask me if I’m okay, and I want it to be the one person who caused the cut. Only he can staunch the bleeding; at least in my head it feels that way.
I grab a glass of wine and sit on the couch. Charlie flips through her magazine. Flip, flip, flip… Yeah, she’s purposefully trying not to say something.
“Is it painful?” I ask.
“Hmmm?” She doesn’t look up.
“Not asking all the questions. It’s a good thing you have Axel to gossip with.”
She makes a noise in the back of her throat. “Please, for being related he’s a vault. I ask him anything and he says it’s not his business. I even asked him about the Dean’s List out of pure curiosity, and he said it was dangerous talking about things that could ruin lives—like it not only exists but that I’m doing too much.” She flips another page. “I think I have a right to know things, but whatever.” She sighs. “Still a great kisser.” Flip. “Still awesome in bed.” Flip. “Amazing in bed.” Flip. “But a vault when it comes to Jude and refuses to gossip.”
“Sorry.” I take another sip. “If anything, though, that should make you feel good that you can trust him.”
She jerks her head up, and something flashes in her eyes before she softens again. “Yeah…no, I still want the gossip. I’m petty like that.” Her eyes narrow. “You know, Jude wasn’t mad at you that night, right? He’s frustrated because for years he thought you were over here living it up, like you got away with murder, pun intended, when really you didn’t even know he still existed. For one, you took up a lot of headspace, and for two—I said for two? Anyways, second, he likes you a lot, so it makes things complicated.” She lets out another heavy sigh. “In this scenario, at least back when things went down between you two you had someone who genuinely cared, you know. It could have been worse.”
Could it have, though? Her tone seems off. Maybe she’s stressed about Axel—or school. God knows I’ve been making everything about me lately, which means I’ve been a crappy friend and she’s been my lifeline since freshman year. She told me she would stalk me if I didn’t immediately room with her and my only other option was a girl who still had night terrors. I’m so thankful I said yes.
“Yeah.” I stare into my wine ignoring the guilt in my chest. Once me and Jude settle things I’ll take Charlie out for a girls’ night. “Well, that doesn’t make it any easier. I just wish I could help him somehow. He wants revenge, but you can only do so much with the information you have, you know? All he knows is I lied. And telling him what they told me to say changes nothing. There’s court documents for that, and I’m sure he’s read through them all. I said he shot two guys in self-defense. Two angry robbers.”