Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Effie had wanted to come with me to the services, but I didn’t think it was a good idea. She’d never been to a wake before, and I needed to be able to focus on Chloe. So I’d told her she and I would pay our respects to Chloe together in a more personal way after everything was over.
“She’s great. And no need to thank me for looking out for Chloe. I’ll always have her back.”
“From what she’s told me over the past couple of days, you’ve had her back for a while. Not only recently, but when you were living with us. I didn’t realize you two were so close back then.”
“Well, at the time, I didn’t think you’d approve.”
“I’d always thought something happened between you and my other daughter. Apparently, I had it all wrong.”
I nodded. “You did.”
“I realize that now.” Phil looked over to where Chloe and Fawn were greeting guests in the receiving line. “Getting to spend time with Fawn and Chloe this week has been the only light during this dark time. They’ve told me lots of stories I didn’t know. We’ve done our best to come together and support each other through this. I’m hoping to mend my relationship with my daughters. I haven’t been present for them in recent years, partly because they couldn’t handle me being with another woman. They still haven’t met Courtney, and I didn’t want to upset them by bringing her here.”
“Good call.” I was happy he’d had the sense not to push that boundary. Chloe wouldn’t have appreciated that in the least.
“It’s a hard balance trying to be happy and make everyone else happy, too,” he said.
“It’s never too late to make things better, Phil. You’re the only parent Chloe and Fawn have left now. They’re adults, but they’ll always need you. And they’ll always be your little girls for as long as you live. I understand that better than ever now that I’m a father. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my daughter.”
Phil clapped me on the back. “I’m proud of you, Evan. Chloe’s told me how much you’ve taken on and what a wonderful job you’ve done with Effie. Your mother would be very proud of you, too.”
“Thank you, Phil. Means a lot.”
Despite the mistakes Phil had made in recent years, I’d always looked up to him. He’d been the only father I’d ever had at a time in my life when I’d needed one most.
I sensed that I needed to get back to Chloe. But when I looked over at the receiving line this time, she was nowhere to be found.
“Excuse me, Phil,” I said, leaving my spot to search for her. Maybe she’d just gone to the bathroom.
After several minutes passed, I knocked on the bathroom door. No one was in there. Wandering from room to room in the funeral home, I came up empty. As a last resort, I left the building and found Chloe alone in the parking lot.
Her face was red, and her chest rose and fell as she tried to catch her breath. Fuck. I knew that look. She was having a panic attack. When she noticed me approaching, she ran over.
“Come here, baby.” I took her in my arms and held her close. “It’s gonna be okay. Just breathe.”
The air caught in her throat. “I felt like I was ready to die in there.”
I kissed her head. “Why didn’t you come get me?”
“You were talking to my dad, and I didn’t want him to see me like this.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I haven’t had one of these since I was a teenager.” Her breaths were shallow. “I mean, I’ve felt them coming on, but I’ve always been able to control them—thanks to you.”
Years back, I’d caught her in the middle of one and helped her work through it. I’d suffered panic attacks myself that had come on when my mother was sick. I’d taught Chloe that the only way around an attack was to push through the anxiety rather than run away from it. Let it do its worst without fighting it. Then it always passed.
“You’ve been fine most of the day. Did something specific bring it on?” I asked.
“They asked me if I wanted to do a eulogy, and I haven’t prepared anything. Not sure why I wasn’t thinking of that. I felt like a horrible person telling the funeral director that I hadn’t planned to speak. But you know how it is, it’s never one thing. I think it’s been slowly building all day until I couldn’t breathe anymore.”
“You don’t owe these people anything. You were there for Judy more than anyone. Any speech now is just for show, for other people’s benefit.”
Chloe clung to me. “Will you stay out here with me for a few minutes?”