Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92547 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 463(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Damn you, Evan. I kept cursing him under my breath.
As I parked in front of my dad’s, I gave myself credit for getting here, even if I might not have the courage to knock today. This was the first time I’d ever seen his new house. It was small, just big enough for two people, the only two people who seemed to matter to my father anymore: his new wife and himself.
The house was white with blue shutters and a perfectly manicured lawn. I was sure Dad took care of it as well as he had our lawn back in the day. Seemed like my sister, mom, and I were a lawn now—only we were dried up and uncared for while his new life got all of his attention. The grass is always greener, right?
Feeling my eyes well up, I debated just considering this a first step and heading home. I could try again tomorrow. Maybe this was one challenge I had to work my way up to. But I was probably just lying to myself. Tomorrow or the next day might be even harder. Dad’s car was here now, and it might not be the next time. Leaning my head against the back of my seat, I told myself I could have five minutes to calm down before going to the door.
When the five minutes were up, I felt no calmer. Still, I forced myself out of the car and walked slowly to the front door. After I knocked, my heart felt like it might pound out of my chest.
Chapter 19
* * *
CHLOE
The door opened, and as nervous as I was, I let out a sigh of relief upon seeing my father standing there alone, his new wife nowhere in sight.
He gasped. “Chloe…”
“Hi, Dad.”
“I thought you said you weren’t going to—”
“I know what I said. But I changed my mind. I thought I should come see you.” I looked past his shoulder. “Is she here?”
“She’s not, actually. Courtney is at an exercise class. She just left and won’t be back for another hour.”
More relief coursed through me. “Good. Okay. Can I come in, then?”
“Of course you can.” He stepped aside.
I wiped my feet on the welcome mat. Looking around, I noted how clean the space was. Our house had always been cluttered. This place seemed minimalist. I liked to think it mirrored the lack of soul or history in his new marriage.
My heart sank as I spotted a black and white photo from their wedding two years ago. It was the first time I’d ever clearly seen what Courtney looked like. Short black hair framed her face, and she had some crow’s feet around her eyes. She wore a plain satin A-line gown, and in the photo my father was kissing her hand. It was physically painful to see that. She was a decade younger than my dad—about fifty to my father’s fifty-nine—but I was pleasantly surprised to find she didn’t look much younger.
“Can I hug you?” he asked.
Apprehensively, I nodded. “Yeah.”
He opened his arms and stepped forward, enveloping me in his embrace. At first, I stiffened. Within a few seconds, though, my body began to relax. In my father’s arms, the tears that had threatened when I was back in the car finally fell. For a moment, I was someone’s daughter again, able to return to a piece of my family I’d pretended was dead. I knew this comfort was fleeting, but I cherished the feeling before it inevitably left.
“How have you been?” I asked as he released me.
“I know you think I’m a bad person,” he said. Not really a response.
Staring down at the ground, I muttered, “I never said that.”
“But you haven’t wanted to see me for so long. What else could I assume?”
I looked up. “You can’t blame me under the circumstances, Dad.”
“I don’t blame you, but there are so many things you don’t understand, Chloe. The situation with your mother and me wasn’t black and white.”
I needed to steady myself for this conversation. “Can I sit?” I asked, walking into the living room.
“Of course.”
Settling myself on the couch, I crossed my legs and waited for him to speak.
“My marriage to your mother was already over by the time she was diagnosed. I know you think I deserted her once she got sick, but it wasn’t like that.” He paused. “Our troubles started long before, back when you were still at home, even. We really tried to make it work for you and your sister.”
This was the first I’d heard of any marital troubles that early.
He sighed. “Things with us got progressively worse over time. Looking back, I don’t know if some of the changes in her personality were related to the dementia. But at one point, she didn’t want me to touch her anymore. That became the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was very difficult. I was lonely and depressed and stayed that way for many years.”