Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 75288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Kira’s hand goes to her mouth. Her eyes pinch in sympathy. “I’m so sorry. What happened?”
“She had a heart issue we had no idea about, until it was too late.”
Kira’s voice is a whisper when she speaks again. “Were you with her when it happened?”
I lock down that part of my brain, refusing to let the images of that morning replay, but a few break through anyway. I swallow down the pain, grateful for its bitter taste. “Yeah.”
Kira sets her mug on the coffee table and slides across the couch to where she can reach me. She squeezes my forearm and lets her hand rest there. “I’m so sorry, Atlas.”
I mumble thanks, biting back the objections I want to voice. I don’t deserve the sympathy. I failed Sarah. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t protect the person who mattered most.
Grizz and Viper have argued with me about the guilt many times. They say sometimes there are situations where nothing can be done, no matter how prepared you are.
I understand the logic. Believing it is another matter.
After a minute of companionable silence, Kira’s hand still on my arm, she gives another squeeze and pulls away. “What was she like, if you don’t mind talking about her?” Her voice is gentle, nearly a whisper.
I’m always glad to talk about Sarah, even though it hurts. “She was kind. Brave. Smarter than me by a mile.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to lose her.”
“Work keeps me going. Provides structure. Purpose.”
Kira nods her head. “I understand wanting structure. Maybe because of my mom dying, I’ve always grabbed onto whatever seemed stable. Preston seemed solid and safe when we first dated.”
Hearing the man’s name makes me tense.
“When I found out I was pregnant, he proposed right away.” Kira’s hand goes to her stomach. “He said he wanted to do the right thing, but he rushed the wedding with the hope I wouldn’t be showing yet. He said he needed to ‘keep things clean’ for his image.”
“That’s not a proposal. That’s strategy.”
“I know, but I didn’t see it at the time. Or maybe I didn’t want to.”
She’s been full of sympathy for me, but her story makes me sad. A young woman as vibrant and beautiful as Kira deserves romance. She deserves a man who’ll move heaven and earth for her, not someone who expects her to fit into his life in the ways he wants.
The room goes quiet again, with only the fire occasionally crackling. A log shifts. The clock on the wall, another of Grizz’s handiworks, ticks into the silence.
Kira’s still resting her hand on her stomach when suddenly, a smile spreads across her face. “I’m starting to feel the baby sometimes,” she says.
“Really?” The baby can’t be very big. Her pregnancy is barely visible.
“Little flutters.” She glances at me. “They’re faint, but they’re unmistakable.”
An old scar I’d stopped noticing suddenly aches again.
“That’s … incredible.” My voice comes out low, raw. “Really incredible, Kira.”
Her pretty pink lips have drawn together. She’s still smiling, but not as broadly. “It makes everything feel more urgent. And more hopeful,” she says. “Both at once, if that makes any sense.”
Hope. It isn’t a word I use anymore, but she says it like she believes it.
My body sits heavy with loss, regret, and darkness.
Kira isn’t even thirty. She’s young, soft, and open.
She’s full of hope and promise, and I’m something old and wizened, whittled out of grief and duty, like a creation from Grizz’s shop.
A long-buried part of me would like to give this woman what she’s been missing and show her how she should be treated by a man. The better part of me knows I’m not what she wants or needs.
I’m too old. Too set in my ways. And hope is something that ran through my fingers long ago.
But the way she’s looking at me, with her cheeks flushed from the firelight, is hitting me somewhere deep.
God help me, she seems like something special.
I take a swig of cider, then clear my throat. “You should get some rest. Viper will be working ‘til dawn, and he’ll steal your breakfast if you’re not down here in time.”
She blinks as if breaking a spell, then gets to her feet. “Thanks for talking with me.”
“Anytime.” I mean it more than I should.
She takes her mug to the sink and rinses it before walking to the stairs. At the bottom, she pauses and turns back to me. “Atlas?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad I’m here. With you. With all of you. It feels safe here.”
My throat’s suddenly thick. “Good. That’s what we want.”
She smiles and slowly climbs the staircase, and I watch her go. With every sway of her curvy hips, I tell myself to look away, but I keep watching until she’s out of sight.
Then I stare into the fire like there’s meaning to be found there. Its warmth brushes against the cold corners inside me.