Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
I shrug, keeping my face carefully blank. “It happens.”
Andie narrows her eyes, then sits up and stretches, her back arching so her boobs strain the faded college logo. “What did you do all night? You’re glowing like you just spent three hours in a spa, but your hair’s a rat’s nest.”
I run a hand through my ponytail, and feel the tangled knots from earlier, when he fisted it and fucked my mouth until I cried. My cheeks flare. “I studied,” I lie. “And then I napped. Not a whole lot, just a quiet night in.”
She gives me a look, skeptical and soft at the edges. “You know you can talk to me, right? Like, if you’re dying inside or whatever.”
“I’m fine, I swear.”
She collapses back onto her bed, and then rolls so she’s facing me, propped on an elbow. “Did you finish your Melville essay? How was the so-called private tutoring with Professor Thomas? Was it helpful?”
At the mention of his name, a lightning bolt goes through me. I squeeze my thighs together and try to breathe normal. “Yeah. I went over there. He was very helpful.”
I want to laugh at my own understatement, but it catches in my throat.
Andie sighs, rolling her eyes. “You’re so lucky. Half the girls in class would kill for his attention. I mean, I get it. He’s like a sexy Robert Pattinson but not annoying. Did you know his wife left him for the milk man?”
I shake my head, half-listening.
“The milk man? Seriously? Does that even exist?”
Andie shrugs.
“I heard she was some raw foods devotee and that included not just raw vegetables, but also raw milk. So they were getting deliveries of milk daily from some organic farm, and she left Professor Thomas for the milk dude.”
I squinch my eyes.
“I thought raw milk was dangerous though. Like Pasteurization kills bacteria.”
Andie shrugs again and grins.
“I have no idea, but that’s just what I heard. It was the milk dude.”
I shake my head.
“Oh my god that’s so crazy.”
Andie merely grins.
“Yeah. Poor guy.” She sighs again, more theatrical this time, and then sits up suddenly, looking right at me. “Oh my god, did you blow him? Your lips are glossy.”
I freeze.
“No, it’s just my lip balm—”
She cackles. “You totally did! You have that ‘I just got railed’ face. Oh my god, Simone, you slut!”
“I did not,” I say, but my voice is so tiny it might as well be a confession.
Andie launches a pillow at me, giggling. “If you didn’t, you wanted to. And that’s basically the same thing.” She falls back, staring at the ceiling. “I want to be you in my next life. I’d give anything to have that kind of confidence.”
I stare at my hands, then at the tiny shadow of my diary under the pillow. Confidence isn’t what I feel. More like a hunger that never ends, a need so deep it’s almost a wound.
“Hey, Simone?” Andie says, voice small. “You’re not in trouble or anything, right? I mean, you can tell me. If a professor is being weird, I’ll go full DefCon 3 on his ass.”
I laugh, for real this time, and the tension breaks. “No trouble,” I say. “Professor Thomas isn’t like that. He’s just a good teacher.”
She seems hesitant.
“But do you feel like you’re losing control? I mean, he’s so much older and maybe you’re brainwashed?”
I giggle.
“No, I’m not brainwashed. I don’t think he’s that old either. Like thirty-five, not sixty.”
Andie nods, satisfied. “Okay, good. Just don’t fall for him, okay? That never ends well.”
I nod, but my throat is thick with all the things I can’t say.
She yawns, then pulls her blanket up and closes her eyes. “Night, babe,” she murmurs.
I watch her breathing for a while. The campus is finally quiet, the world soft and blurry around the edges.
When I’m sure she’s asleep, I slide the diary out and open it to the fresh page. The pen is warm in my hand.
“I want to have sex with Liam,” I write. “I want him to fuck me until I forget my name. I want him to fill me up and ruin me for anyone else. I want him to own me, even if it destroys us both.”
My hand trembles as I put the pen down.
Outside, the moon is a thumbnail above the quad, thin and sharp and dangerous.
I close my eyes, and the need swallows me whole.
I sleep like shit, which is a miracle because I thought swallowing a quart of come would put me out like a hibernating bear. Instead, I toss and turn all night, the sheets wound around my legs, my thighs wet and sticky with need that won’t cool down no matter how many times I roll over and try to forget about it.
When I finally wake, the sun is already up, burning white through the cheap blinds and striping my bed with bands of light. I’m halfway through a fantasy of Liam in a three-piece suit, bending me over his desk and fucking me so hard the books fall off the shelves, when Andie pops her head in.