Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
“Are you still coming back?” Darcy asks. “I know you and Deacon are…you know…”
I know that Darcy wants me home because she loves me. But she knows I wasn’t happy in Chilternshire. She knows that I’ve always wanted a husband and family and that there was nothing like that on the horizon for me back home.
But she still thinks that’s my trajectory.
Going back home.
Back to the same workplace I’ve been in since I was a teenager.
I’m going to hit forty in a few years, and I don’t see how anything will change if I stay in Woolton. But I want to go back to heal the wounds I’ve endured in New York.
“I just noticed the time,” I say. “I have to go because Avril and Poppy are coming over any minute.”
“The owners of the hotel?” she asks. “How come?”
“Just to hang out. Anyway, I really have to go,” I say, before she can ask any more questions. “Give Daphne and William a kiss from me.”
I hang up and head to the window. The view isn’t anything like the view Deacon and I had from the rooftop on our first date, but I can still see the yellow cabs on the street beneath and hear the honk of horns. It’s not Chilternshire. I don’t know every nook and cranny. But it feels like there are possibilities here that there just aren’t at home.
New York has proven to me that it brings new opportunities. I’ve already been offered a promotion and had a wild summer fling, which was so much more than a wild summer fling. Deacon is the closest I’ve ever come to a soulmate. And even though my heart still feels heavy with the weight of the sadness I’m carrying around not being with him, New York has healed me far more than hurt me. It’s brought so much more to me than I ever thought it would.
The buzzer sounds and I whip around and let Avril and Poppy up.
When I open the door, they’re both grinning at me, and Avril lifts up her leg to show me she’s wearing pajamas.
“I love this for us,” she says. “No contouring and an elastic waist. How come we don’t spend all our evenings like this?” she asks, as she steps into my apartment.
“Because occasionally I’d like to have sex,” Poppy says, giving me a one-armed hug as she passes by carrying a paper grocery bag like I’ve seen in the movies, and still can’t quite believe people use. Carrier bags are so much more practical.
“We brought snacks,” Poppy says.
“I have some too,” I say.
“You can never have too many snacks,” Avril says. “This used to be my apartment when I first moved out of my brother’s place.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I loved it.”
“It’s great,” I say. “Near the subway, although I haven’t used it much.”
“Have you done much exploring?” Poppy asks, pulling dips and crisps and drinks and god knows what else out of the bag that seems to have no bottom.
“Not really. I think I’ve been so caught up in work and in…you know, Deacon. But I’m going to make these last few weeks count.”
“Have you heard from him at all?” Poppy asks.
I shake my head. “I won’t. He’s a devoted father, and he won’t do anything that might upset his daughter.”
“That’s why things ended? The kid didn’t like you?” Avril’s eyes are wide. She’s clearly invested.
“No, not at all. I met Willow. She’s lovely. But his ex is pregnant and getting married. They’re changing the custody arrangements. He’s worried that there’s too much going on to add anything else into the mix.”
“Like a girlfriend?” Poppy asks.
I shrug.
“So if you two didn’t have a fight or anything, did he leave the door open?”
“He knows I’m going back to the UK in a few weeks.”
“But if you weren’t, then maybe in time, things could work out between you two.” When I go to say something, she holds up her hand to stop me. “I know I sound like I’m being selfish and giving you a reason to hope. I don’t mean to. I just mean that if you did stay, maybe things could work out.”
“I don’t think so,” I say. They don’t need to know about my fertility struggles, about how I wouldn’t ever be able to give Deacon or Willow a family that they both deserve, even in the unlikely event that Deacon could see his way through the current changes, even if he could let Willow out from the ivory tower where he likes to keep her.
There are too many ifs. Too many buts. And I don’t want to be waiting around for a guy to notice me. I did that for too many years with Ryder. And even though I was a kid then, and the way I felt about Ryder was just some silly crush compared to what I feel for Deacon, I don’t want to keep repeating my mistakes. I no longer want to orbit someone else’s life. I don’t want my life to be all about fitting in with Deacon. I want to build a life for myself.