Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
“Deacon?” Ben barks, bringing me back to our conversation. He’s been talking while I’ve been lost in my thoughts about Aurora. “Are you in the zone or being an ignorant prick?”
“Do I have to choose?” I reply.
“Are you thinking about Aurora?” he asks.
I don’t respond.
“Are you in love with her?” he asks.
My heart thunders, and I don’t know if it’s the incline or his question. I still don’t answer. I’ve never been in love. It would be impossible to fall in love with a woman who lives on a different continent, and who I’ve only known for a few weeks.
That couldn’t happen.
“Let’s just work out,” I snap.
“Oh my god,” Ben says. “I never thought I’d see the day when Deacon Black fell in love.”
“I’m not in love, you prick. I’m focused on my workout. There’s a difference.”
“You think Gabby getting engaged has let you move on? Maybe you had at the back of your head that you might get back together at some point, and now she’s getting married, so it’s allowed you to focus on something else.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask him. “I’m not hung up on Gabby. Never have been.”
“I know you weren’t in love with her,” he says, “but I think you thought you might—”
“No,” I say. “I never thought Gabby and I were going to get back together.” Gabby and I weren’t ever compatible anywhere but the bedroom. That became pretty clear immediately. It’s not that we hate each other, but we don’t get each other. I don’t have that much to say to her, beyond things about Willow. And I’m sure she feels the same way. I don’t think we had sex together once after Willow was born. Things just died between us when we moved in together.
“It was nothing to do with Gabby that stopped me…Aurora coming over was just convenient. She works weird hours, so it’s difficult to find a good time to hang out.” It wasn’t just convenience that had me inviting Aurora over. The idea of not having her over was unbearable. I couldn’t not see her.
“But it’s more than just sex between you and Aurora. Or you would’ve just had her come round when Willow was already in bed.”
There’s no denying that it’s more than sex. Much more. But so what? “My priorities remain my daughter and my business, in that order.” The words sound hollow as they come out. But those two things do take up so much time that I’m not sure how anything, or anyone, else would fit.
“Priorities shift,” Ben says.
“Can we change the subject?” I ask. “Talking about this with you is pissing me off.” My priorities have already shifted. Not that I’ve abandoned Willow or my business, but Aurora has brought change to my life already. It’s not bad. It’s good. But I’m not sure what the long-term implications are for my life. I’m not sure what I want the implications to be.
He chuckles. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“Are you in love?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says. “Completely in love with making money.”
I grin. I get it. Ben and I have similar backgrounds. We weren’t exactly poor growing up, but having enough money to know that I’ll never have to worry about anything financial is a good feeling.
“Can I meet her?” Ben asks. “If she’s important to you, I’d like to.”
I don’t respond, but something inside me clicks into place. I want my closest friend to meet Aurora. I want him to see how special she is.
But is there any point? Creating space for Aurora in my world brings change. Am I just setting up him, Willow, and myself for unnecessary disruption when she leaves?
There’s only one answer—yes.
Ben won’t care, but Willow might. And I know I will.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Aurora
I’m one thousand percent sure I’m setting myself up for trouble, but when I get home from work on Tuesday, all I can think about is how I have the entire evening alone, and Deacon is sitting in his hotel bedroom alone too.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I text him to see if he wants to come round for pizza. I don’t expect deserted New York rooftops and fancy dinners every time I see Deacon. I just want him here. I miss him.
He answers immediately, saying that he’ll be there in a few minutes.
This isn’t a booty call, right? And if it is, is there anything wrong with that? No, in fact it would be better if Deacon and I were just about the sex. I’d know I could walk away, go back to the UK without getting hurt. But I’m not sure that’s possible anymore. I feel myself getting deeper and deeper in with Deacon, and even though I know it can only end in heartache, I can’t stop myself. It’s like I’m going through one-way turnstiles. There’s no way back. I just have to keep moving forward.