Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 41687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 208(@200wpm)___ 167(@250wpm)___ 139(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 41687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 208(@200wpm)___ 167(@250wpm)___ 139(@300wpm)
I yanked open the door before he could knock again, not bothering to hide my anger. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Kit stood on my small front porch looking like he’d stepped out of a magazine spread about successful men at leisure. Dark jeans, navy sweater, sexy as fuck… everything. His hair was slightly mussed from the drive, and there were lines of exhaustion around his eyes that I’d never seen before.
He looked… wrecked. Beautiful and wrecked.
“Can I come in?”
“No.” The word came out harsher than I’d intended, but I didn’t soften it. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it from there.”
His jaw ticked, the only sign of his frustration. “I’ve been looking for you for six weeks.”
“I didn’t want to be found.” Because if I see you, I’m afraid I’ll humiliate myself again.
“I know.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked past me into my small living room with its comfortable furniture and the stack of student papers I needed to finish grading on the coffee table. “Nice place.”
The casual observation made me want to scream. “Kit, what do you want? I told you—”
“I can’t stay away.”
The simple statement hit me like a physical blow. I gripped the doorframe to keep myself steady.
“I’ve tried,” he continued, his voice rough around the edges. “Fuck’s sake, I’ve tried! I gave you space. I let you disappear. But I can’t… Robbie, I can’t breathe without knowing you’re okay. Without…”
“I’m fine,” I managed, though my voice sounded strangled even to my own ears. “I’m great, actually. I have a job I love, a nice place to live—”
“You’re great.” His eyes burned into mine. “That’s great.” He squeezed them shut. “Actually, that’s a lie. It’s not great.” His eyes popped open again. “I’m fucking sick without you in my life.”
My heart was beating so fast I felt dizzy. “You don’t get to show up here and—”
“I love you.”
The words stopped me cold. Not the casual, tossed-out “love you” he’d dropped during sex, but something raw and desperate and true.
Kit rubbed his face with his hands before meeting my eyes again. “I’ve been in love with you for years, Robbie. Not as Robert’s son, not as some kid I watched grow up. I fell in love with the man you became, and I’ve been fighting it every single day because… because you deserve better, damn it. Better than being saddled with a controlling workaholic who’s too old for you, too calloused, too set in his ways to give you the life you need. You deserve everything, Robbie.”
I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. This wasn’t happening. Couldn’t be happening.
Kit’s voice shook with emotion—emotion for me. “That night in your father’s house… God, baby, that night nearly killed me. Seeing you so broken, holding you while you grieved, and then kissing you like I had any right to take advantage of your pain. I hated myself for it.”
“You didn’t take advantage—”
“I did.” His voice was firm, final. “And then in my office, when you came to me angry and hurting because you realized you weren’t in love with your perfect boyfriend… I should have held you. Should have told you then what I’m telling you now. Instead, I fucked you over my desk like you were just another body when you’re the most important fucking person in my world!”
Tears burned the back of my throat. “Kit… I never felt like—”
“I know I hurt you. I know I’ve been an idiot and a coward, and I know I don’t deserve forgiveness. But I needed you to know the truth before I back off permanently, if that’s what you want.” He took a step backward, creating more distance between us. “You want me to stay away? I’ll stay away. You want to build a life here without me haunting the edges of it? I’ll make sure that happens. But first, I needed to tell you that I love you. Have loved you. Will always love you, even if you don’t want me. Even if I’m not what you need.”
I felt something crack wide open in my chest, like ice breaking up in a spring thaw. Six weeks of carefully constructed walls crumbled in an instant, leaving me raw and exposed and terrified.
“What if you are what I need?” The words came out broken and strangled. “Don’t I deserve the right to decide that for myself? I’m not in the market for a guy who’s perfect, because I’ve spent more than a decade wanting a man who’s perfect for me!”
Something flickered in Kit’s eyes—hope, maybe, or fear. “Robbie—”
I held up a hand. “I’m not the problem here, Kit. I’ve been telling you what I need, what I want from you for years. What if you change your mind? Because every time you give me one second of what I want from you, you disappear, and I—” I pressed my hands to my chest, trying to hold myself together. “I can’t go through that again, Kit. I can’t let you in just to have you decide I’m not worth the risk.”