Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
Nico remembered Frankie very well at that age, as finding her under the table when they were little seared itself into his memories.
“Sal sent me a video clip a couple of days later. Just before I had to close the last show I ever walked in. There she was, practicing her walk in that hallway, just like me. I would have made every call, done anything to make it possible had she one day decided to model or do runway. She’s got that baby doll, innocent look about her, but the attitude, my God. They would’ve eaten her up. She could’ve really killed it.”
“I guess she never did, huh?” Nico asked.
Carina snorted then. “Hell no. Way too busy chasing a ball, even in heels sometimes.”
That made him grin.
“Didn’t matter,” Carina added after a moment, “because she never wanted to be me, not really. She just wanted what I had. That je ne sais quoi, as Sissy would say. She got it, after a while.”
Another graduate’s name had a few people close to them up on their feet to clap and yell just as they had. Unfortunately, the noise gained the attention of someone else that Nico had done well to hide up until then.
Sassy, the old, white pom-poodle mix, forced her head up and out of the drawstring shoulder bag Nico had carried into the place without as much as a glance from anyone else. Carina noticed the dog immediately, barking out a laugh as she reached over to pet her.
“Did someone convince him that her is so, so, so sad again?” Carina asked the dog, a babyish coo taking over her voice.
Sassy wiggled harder, as if trying to get out.
“Nope,” Nico told her, holding on tight but petting her at the same time to get her calmed down. Eventually, she slipped back down into the bag with only a small bit of her head poking out. “And she is sad,” he added to Carina, scowling. “She’s been puking since Frankie left.”
“Yeah, imagine that the emotional support dog for the anxiety-riddled child turned out to be an anxiety-riddled dog that also needs her emotional support human. Who could’ve guessed?” Carina shook her head. “You know, I got her that, too. Sassy, I mean.”
At the call of her name, the pup poked her head back out of the bag. Nico gave up trying to get her to hide, and instead, said nothing as Carina leaned over and cooed to the dog again, petting her and then using her fingernails to comb through a knotted strand of hair falling over the pup’s eyes.
“When?” he asked, genuinely curious.
Carina pulled away from the dog, brushing her hands off on her slacks. “Oh, about seven...maybe closer to eight. It wasn’t very long after Sal and I married. I wasn’t good with her for those first years. Frankie, I mean, not the dog,” she said, peeking down at Sassy again. “I was a raging anorexic, couldn’t put the coke down, and didn’t know the first thing about being a mother except that I didn’t really want to be one.”
Nico cleared his throat, uncomfortable.
She acted as if she didn’t notice, saying, “She was a child. A normal one, all things considered. The constant playing and yelling and...everything else. Totally normal. I just couldn’t handle it; I couldn’t deal with her. I felt she wouldn’t listen to me, but if other people said something to her, she had no issue hearing what they said. And none of that is an excuse for the way I did deal with Francesca when I had to.”
Now, he was way past uncomfortable. “How did you deal with her?”
“The worst, I’d say, is when I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down a flight of steps because she wouldn’t come to breakfast like I asked. She had bruises for two weeks. Salvatore didn’t speak to me for a month at least. That’s also when I got Sassy. A shitty way to apologize but the only way I knew how.”
Sassy, with her head still poking free from the bag, licked at the side of Nico’s hand and whined as if the pup could sense he’d been disturbed. “We’re almost done, you whiny thing.”
“Oh, my God. And the whining,” Carina mumbled.
Nico glowered at her. “Okay, I get the picture.”
She shrugged. “I mean, there you have it. If you ever wonder what you might have missed out on having me as a mother, wonder no more. Literally nothing. Fucking terrible every moment I could be. I was useless to her, I would have been useless to you, and this time—”
“Don’t do that.”
Carina glanced his way. “What, tell the truth?”
“Not give yourself a chance. Let’s not pretend like circumstances didn’t help you along in the past. Things aren’t the same now, sis.”
She flinched.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
She shook her head again. “I’m not very good at being that for you, either, am I?”