Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137144 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137144 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Well, they probably did when they weren’t frozen in the middle and burnt on the outside.
“Are you hurt? Lily, hey, hey, talk to me. Where are you hurt?” Harvey strode over to her, taking gentle hold of her arms.
“In my heart,” she cried.
“What?” He reeled back, gazing down at her. “What do you mean your heart hurts?”
“Because I ruin everything. It’s just me. I’m a ruiner. I ruin things.”
“Lily St. Clary, you will not talk like that,” he said sternly.
There he was. There was the Harvey who wasn’t scared to tell her off, to scold her when he thought she was doing something wrong. That was the Harvey she wanted back, the one who didn’t treat her like she was going to break at any moment.
“Shit, fuck, sorry. Sorry. It’s been a crazy day, and I shouldn’t have just done that. I just hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. I hate that you think it, and I hate that you say it. Are you hurt? Lily, did you burn yourself?”
“No, I’m fine. I’m not physically hurt. I’m just disappointed in myself. I was trying to cook you a nice dinner because, well, you’re always doing nice things for me, and I wanted to show you that I could do something for you, that I’m not useless.”
She clenched her hands into fists and slammed them down on the countertop.
“You are not useless. You need to stop talking about yourself like this.”
It was hard to stop though. It wasn’t just her own thoughts.
There were the things her mother had said to her over the years about how she wouldn’t amount to anything unless she got herself a rich husband. How that was the only way she’d get anywhere in life. That it was the only thing she was good at, being some man’s trophy. It was hard to imagine a different sort of life when the person who was meant to be your cheerleader was the one who was holding you down and telling you that you were useless.
“I just wanted you to see me as someone who isn’t delicate and fragile, who you have to take care of.”
He tilted his head to the side. “But I enjoy taking care of you.”
“You do?” she asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but I feel like a part of me was always missing, not quite right, like an itch that I couldn’t scratch. But looking after you, it’s scratched my itch . . . and that sounded really terrible.”
She couldn’t help but giggle. “I’m glad I can scratch your itch.”
Harvey shook his head with a growl. “Yeah, I’m not explaining this very well, but you aren’t a burden, Lily. You aren’t a job that I have to tick off my to-do list. You are my list. You’re everything on it, okay? Everything to do with you comes first for me.”
Now she was feeling teary-eyed for a completely different reason. She sniffled. “How can you say all that about me when we haven’t even spent much time together?”
“Is that your way of saying you don’t feel the same about me? It’s all right. I know it’s going to take you time to catch up to where I am. You’ve been dealing with other things for the last ten months, including Rick the Dick.”
“Pretty sure Clem calls him Rick the Limp Dick.”
“Clem always did have a way with words,” he said with a smile.
She snorted then covered up her mouth and nose. “Oh my God, sorry. That was embarrassing.”
“What was? Snorting? I thought it was cute.”
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, and a shiver ran up her spine. She wanted more. More touch from him. More of those shivers.
“You really do like me, don’t you?” she said to him. “I mean, if you find that snorting cute, you must.”
“I find everything about you cute, adorable, sweet, sexy.” He ran a finger along her jawline. Who would have thought that that could be arousing?
Not her, obviously.
“You do?”
“I really do. Now, do you want to tell me what is going on?” He pulled back, which wasn’t what she wanted from him.
“No.”
“No?” he questioned.
“Don’t pull away. I want you to pull me into your arms and hold me tight and kiss me deep. I want what we had before I ruined it all.”
He blinked down at her.
Oh, no. What had she just done? It wasn’t what she’d been planning on saying. Had she messed up?
What was wrong with her?
What was she talking about? He ran her words through his mind again. She wanted him to kiss her, to hold her tight, to go back to the way things had been before she’d ruined everything?
What did that even mean?
She hadn’t ruined anything.
“I mean, I know we didn’t have anything . . . well, you seemed to want something. I think. You said you did. And then I ruined things and now you seem to not want the same things. Or you’re worried that I’m scared of you and see you as like my mother because you’re super bossy. You are super bossy. That hasn’t really changed except for the fact that you’re trying to hold back how bossy you are. But I don’t want you to hold back . . . I don’t want you to stop kissing me and hugging me and telling me what you think I should do.”