Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104869 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104869 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Tears spilled from her eyes and streaked down her cheeks.
He slid to his knees in front of her to thumb away those tears.
“No, my love, don’t cry.” His hands cradled her face and she dropped her forehead to his.
“I don’t know how to believe you. To believe in this. I’m still the same woman I was before coming to Riversend. The same woman you once said was impossible to love.”
He inhaled sharply at her words, his face spasming with grief and regret.
“Kenna,” he began, his voice rough. “I was angry when I said that. You know that. But I’m so goddamned sorry. I wish—God, with everything in me I wish I’d never said those words. Even as I said them I knew that they were unforgivable. And I know standing here now begging you to forgive them is a tough ask. But I wish…” His voice broke and his eyes shimmered. “With my whole, goddamned, useless heart, I wish you would forgive me for that lie. Because that’s what it was, Kenna. It was an ugly, cruel lie.”
He must have seen her hesitation, wariness, and doubt because the panicked sound he made was similar to a wounded animal’s.
“You’re not impossible to love. Far from it. You own me. Heart and soul. You have since the moment I first laid eyes on you. Loving you is all I know how to do. It’s as essential and instinctive to me as breathing. I don’t…I don’t know how to function without you.”
“You managed just fine when you left me,” she reminded, feeling herself softening, but knowing that if she caved or accepted everything he said without question and this all fell apart again, she would have nobody to blame but herself. She needed to know that this was real.
“I didn’t manage fine when I left you,” he said with an incredulous, pained laugh that was devoid of anything resembling humor. “I was like a wounded animal. I don’t know how I managed the drive to Riversend safely. But when I got there…”
He shook his head, eyes tormented.
“I don’t even remember the first week. I was a wreck.” This time his eyes welled with remembered pain and his shook his head, dislodging a streak of moisture that slid down his cheek and disappeared into his beard. “I dragged myself to Harris and Tina’s place, sat down on their sofa, and didn’t get up again for a week.”
“What?” Her whisper was hushed, disbelieving. “I don’t understand.”
“Kenna, I stayed in our marriage as long as I did because I wanted so desperately to be with you. Only I wasn’t with you. We were living separate lives, having terrible sex a few times a month, barely speaking… When you started going on trips without even telling me you were leaving, I recognized that we—I—couldn’t continue on like that.
“Then you came to me and spoke about having another baby when we never laughed, rarely touched, hardly spoke I couldn’t live like that. Not with you. It destroyed a little piece of my soul every day, being so close to you and never knowing you. So I left. And it fucking nearly killed me to do it. I didn’t speak for a week, didn’t shower, barely ate… I didn’t manage just fine without you, Kenna. I was fucking broken. I was only barely starting to function again when you came to town.”
“Oh, my God, Smith. I didn’t…I didn’t know,” she whispered, her face wet with tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“Loving you is simultaneously the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me, Kenna. But after our time in Riversend, I know that the best far, far outweighs the bad. And if you’ll have me, I know that I can make you happy.”
“I love you too, Smith. So much. But I need to know that it’s me you want. Not some idealized, perfect version of me that you’ve created in my likeness.”
“Oh, Kenna, the woman I love is far from perfect. A little aloof, sometimes distant, and she can stare right through you when she’s preoccupied with work. She’s also kind, sweet, and has a fantastic, quirky sense of humor. She’s sensitive, vulnerable, a little fragile. She can have a short fuse, is a kleptomaniac, and a below average driver.”
“I’m not a below average driver,” she protested weakly and he smiled gently.
“Kenna, my darling, I love you.” The words flowed from his lips so naturally and so easily that it was hard not to believe them. “But there are some things we’ll simply never agree on.”
“I love you too,” she finally whispered and the smile that lit up his face could have rivalled the sun in its brilliance.
“Smith…” she began hesitantly. “About the baby.”
He stilled and reluctantly moved away from her, taking one of her hands as he sat down beside her on the couch.