Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 103141 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103141 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
I know what it’s like not to be loved by your father, and I would never do anything to force a wedge in Rian’s relationship with him. It’s partially because of that relationship that I’m able to feel the way I do about him.
My heart thumps in my ear, this loud, drumming sound that blocks out the noise of the forest around us.
I wait for it to happen, wait for him to say something, try to remember what it was like to be touched by him, to make him laugh, to have him share stories about his family, his son…the ways he tried to take care of me.
What it felt like to have him inside of me—filling me. Making me smell like him.
“Do it,” I say, but he doesn’t respond.
Why isn’t he doing it?
I wait as my mouth goes dry, as my racing heart slows, as the blindfold around my eyes is wet.
“Rian?” I say, but he doesn’t respond.
I lift my hand to the blindfold, tug it down, and I see trees, leaves, sticks, brush…on and on and on, but not Rian.
“Rian,” I say one last time, but there is no use.
He’s gone, and I’m alone again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Abbott
It takes me longer than it should have, probably longer than it took Rian, to find my way back to the house. The moment I burst inside, I call out, “Rian?” But I know from the feel of the place, how quiet and empty it feels, that he’s gone.
Rian is letting me go.
Knowing I could turn him in, that I’ve seen Conan and know stories about Cillian and the others. He left me here, in this space, that I know meant so much to him, because it’s where he, Cillian, and Moira spent time—where he came after Moira died.
I could have the cops out here, could invade this place he loved, the place he brought me, and it would be the first step in ruining him, in ruining his whole family. Yet he let me go.
“Rian?” I call out again, just needing to say his name, I think. I don’t smell him in here, don’t feel him. The cabin is colder than it was before. I make my way through each room, stopping when I get close to the table where he first handcuffed me. There’s a burner phone on it, along with my wallet, house key, and a note.
Doc,
I’m sorry. For everything. As long as we’re safe, you’ll be safe. I give you my word. I’m trusting you with my family. That is…not easy for me to do. But if you prove you don’t deserve that trust, you won’t get a second chance. It is my job to keep them safe and nothing will stop me from doing that.
R
Doc. My first thought is that he called me Doc again.
It’s a ridiculous thing to focus on, considering I’m alive. He let me live, said he trusts me, but also made sure I know that any wrong move and I can die at any second. But using the name Doc again, feels like he’s trying to create distance between us…something I should want but I don’t. All I should be thinking about right now is my life.
Will Conan come after me? How can Rian be sure he won’t?
I turn, looking over my shoulder as though Conan is somehow here with me. That man wants me dead. He won’t hesitate for a second to kill me.
I give you my word.
I’m trusting you with my family.
He shouldn’t be letting me go. I’m glad he did, because walking toward my own death this morning reminded me that no matter how lonely I am, I don’t want to die, but Rian shouldn’t have let me go. If I had any sense, the first thing I would do is get out of this house and go straight to the nearest police station. Yes, they have their connections, but not every cop can be dirty. If that were the case, he wouldn’t worry about me going to the police because he’d know he could get off.
But I’m not going to. God help me, but I’m not. Which means every single life that Rian takes after this will be my fault…because I could have stopped him…and I chose not to, because I love him.
*
I use the phone to call a car service so someone can come and get me. I don’t have a vehicle anymore because Conan got rid of mine, which pisses me off, now that I think about it.
Rian left my medical bag, but any of the other clothes and supplies that Conan brought are all gone—even his toothbrush. It’s like he tried to completely erase the fact that he had been here with me.
It’s not until I’m in the car, on the way back to Boston, that I remember the monitor on my ankle. It’s quickly become part of me, and now that I know I have no fear of being shocked by it, it was easy to forget it’s there.