Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 60978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
I pulled the door open to find him standing awkwardly in the hallway, his thin frame diminished by his obvious nervousness. In his hands, he clutched a small stuffed giraffe. I looked past him to Hannah, who’d escorted him to my door, and nodded at the other woman. She gave me an encouraging smile before leaving.
“I thought Lily might like another friend for Mr. Flopsy,” he said by way of greeting. “The lady at the store said giraffes are popular this year.” The careful neutrality in his voice matched my own guarded posture.
“She loves giraffes,” I replied, stepping aside to let him enter. “She’ll be happy to see you.”
Ash nodded, moving past me into the apartment. He’d come by once an evening since Lily returned home. I’d given Hannah permission to bring him in once a day and to let him inside the courtyard any time we were outside.
“How did it go with the doctor?” he asked, his eyes finding the scattered pamphlets on the coffee table.
“She confirmed the diagnosis as Osteogenesis Imperfecta, Type I.” I watched his face for an indication of his thoughts. I’d texted him about the appointment but hadn’t shared details yet. “It’s the mildest form and there are treatments, but not a cure. Dr. Brennan said she’d stabilize somewhat after puberty. There’s still a lot for me to go through.” I sounded as tired as I felt. The stack of papers could have been bigger, I supposed, but trying to filter out the medical jargon enough to actually understand what the doctor’s office considered “simple instructions” made understanding it all difficult. It didn’t help I felt mentally and physically exhausted.
Ash nodded slowly, absorbing the information. “But now we know, and we can help her.”
The “we” caught me by surprise, though it shouldn’t have. Whatever our past, Ash had made it clear he wanted the chance to be part of Lily’s future.
“Daddy?” Lily’s voice came from the hallway, her face lighting up when she spotted Ash. She moved toward him carefully, still not feeling safe, even with me nearby. I didn’t blame her.
“Hey, Lily-pad,” Ash said, kneeling down to her level. “I brought you something.” He presented the giraffe with a little flourish, making Lily giggle.
“She’s beautiful,” Lily declared, accepting the gift with reverent hands. “I’m going to name her Spots.” She hugged the stuffed toy closely.
“Spots is a perfect name,” Ash agreed solemnly.
“Will you stay for my bedtime song?”
Ash looked to me for permission, doing his hardest not to overstep when he’d never been one to really care about anyone’s feelings. The man was genuinely trying to get this right with me and Lily.
I nodded, surprising myself with how easily I granted his request. Perhaps it was the exhaustion of the day. I didn’t want to argue with Ash. Not about Lily. If he wanted to be part of her life and Lily’s mental or physical health weren’t at risk, I’d never keep them apart.
After helping with her bath and making sure she brushed her teeth, I tucked Lily into bed like I did every night. I sat next to her and sang her lullaby. I’d made it up when she was just a baby. There was no doubt Ash remembered when I saw him blinking back tears as he watched Lily’s eyelids droop sleepily.
Once she’d drifted off, I dimmed her lamp -- she’d taken to wanting a nightlight since the first time Winters took her -- and pulled her door partway shut. I slept with my door open so I’d hear her if she needed me, but I didn’t want light or noise from the living room to disturb her.
Ash and I moved to the coffee table. Silence stretched uncomfortably until Ash cleared his throat.
“I should have been there,” he said. “For you and Lily.” The simple admission hit me with unexpected force. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away, unwilling to cry after such a long, emotional day.
“Yes, you should have,” I agreed, no heat in my words, just tired truth. “But you’re here now and we appreciate the support.”
“I made everything worse when I came back,” he continued, his voice roughening with emotion. “I just kept fucking up.” He glanced toward Lily’s room and lowered his voice. “Sorry. Messing up.”
I almost smiled at his self-correction. “You did,” I acknowledged. “But you were trying to protect her in your way.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “We both want what’s best for Lily. She’s what’s important.”
Ash nodded, watching me organize the materials. “How are we going to do this? Co-parenting, I mean.” The question hung between us. I considered my words carefully.
“You can see her whenever you want,” I said finally. “But I need stability for her, especially now. No disappearing again, Ash. No more choosing your friends over your daughter. And she stays with me.”