Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55305 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
I’m lonely.
After weeks of insisting I needed space, of telling myself I’m better on my own, tonight the emptiness feels unbearable. After one night sleeping in the same bed as Mason and Brookes, surrounded by their warm, strong bodies, I’m lost without them. I miss the solid weight of them beside me and the regular rhythm of their breathing as they sleep. I miss the way their bodies seem to naturally bracket mine, like my place between them is instinctive and natural.
I understand why they’ve given me this room to sleep in. They want me to have the space I need to think. They don’t want to smother me with their enthusiasm or intentions so that I lose connection with what I feel.
It’s the most honorable and considerate thing anyone has ever done for me.
I glance at the nightstand and the thermos of ginger tea they’ve prepared for me. Beside it is a box of crackers, a glass of water, a box of tissues, and next to the bed is an old bucket. They really did think of everything.
Running my hand over my face, I blow out a long, frustrated breath. It isn’t fair for me to be needy. I shouldn’t use them to fill the hole inside me if I’m planning to leave. Hurting them isn’t my intention.
But they’d want to give you what you need, my internal voice whispers. Look at what they’ve done to make sure you’re comfortable. If they knew your heart was hurting, they’d want to heal it.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I push the covers back and slip out of bed.
My bare feet are quiet on the hardwood as I pad down the hallway. Mason’s door is the first and is slightly ajar. I hesitate for only a second before gently pushing it open and stepping inside.
Mason is stretched out on his side in the center of the bed, one arm thrown above his head, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. He looks powerful even in sleep; all hard muscles, bunched even in rest.
The curtains are open, and the half-moon casts enough light for me to move without tripping. My heart beats faster as I walk around the bed and carefully climb in behind him. The mattress dips under my weight, and I slide closer until my front presses against his back. When I wrap my arm around his waist, resting my cheek between his shoulder blades, he stirs almost immediately.
A low, sleepy rumble vibrates through his chest. “Janey?”
“Yeah,” I whisper, suddenly feeling shy. “Is this okay? I couldn’t sleep alone.”
Instead of answering with words, Mason turns over and pulls me into him, tucking me securely against his chest. He becomes the big spoon, curling his much larger body around mine. One heavy arm drapes over my waist, his big hand splaying possessively across my belly, right where the baby is growing. His warmth instantly seeps into me.
“More than okay,” he murmurs into my hair, his lips brushing my temple. “Been lying here hoping you’d come find me.”
“You were sleeping like a baby,” I dispute.
“I was dreaming you’d find me.”
The relief that floods through me is so strong it almost brings tears to my eyes. I melt into him, letting his body anchor me. For a long while, we breathe together in the darkness. The house is quiet except for the distant sound of crickets and the occasional low call of cattle out in the pasture.
In the darkness, Mason kisses the top of my head. “You wanna sleep, or talk?”
Sleep still feels like an impossible task. “Talk. For a little while.”
“Okay. Why don’t you tell me about your family?”
I swallow hard. The question feels intimate, but safe here in his arms.
“I love them,” I begin quietly. “Especially my dad. He’s always been the calm one. But my mom…” I pause, searching for the right words. “She’s never been cruel. She’s always looked after me with a lot of care, making sure I have everything I need, but nothing I do ever feels like enough. Straight A’s in school? She’d say I could’ve taken harder classes. Getting accepted into vet school? She reminded me that her friend’s daughter got into an even better program. Even when I landed the job at the clinic, she told me I should’ve negotiated for more money or better hours.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I’ve spent my whole life chasing this impossible standard she keeps raising. No matter how hard I try, there’s always another level. Another way I could be better, smarter, and more successful. I’m so tired of never feeling good enough.”
Mason’s thumb strokes slowly, soothing circles over my stomach. His voice is deep and level when he replies.
“Sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy load for a long time.”
“I have. And now… with the baby… I know she’s going to be so disappointed. The way it happened, the fact that there are two of you. She won’t understand. She’ll see it as the biggest disappointment. She’ll tell me I’m throwing my life away. That I’m making the biggest mistake. That I’m a selfish girl who doesn’t think about anyone else.”